Dyslexic Analytics Engineer Accidentally Does ETL
SAN FRANCISCO — Local dyslexic analytics engineer Skye Robinson is in absolute shambles after realizing that for the last two years at his…

SAN FRANCISCO — Local dyslexic analytics engineer Skye Robinson is in absolute shambles after realizing that for the last two years at his company, the unprofitable Series G grocery coupon app Raisin.ly, he’s accidentally been doing ETL, and not ELT, and thus is not a true analytics engineer.
“It’s hard knowing that I was doing transformations and managing schema before ingesting the resulting data into Snowflake,” said the degenerate. “Here I was thinking that by managing data throughout the data processing lifecycle, monitoring costs, and simply managing business intelligence metrics in Looker to keep complexity down and performance high while serving over 100 stakeholders as one half of a two-person team, I was doing things the right way. I could not have been more wrong. Doing ETL instead of ELT has definitely impacted my ability to gain followers on ‘Data Twitter’ and become a data thinkfluencer. Now I know better.”
To make matters worse, Robinson also reportedly held upstream producers of data accountable for all breaking changes, and refused to simply patch up changes in SQL by writing more and more SQL-on-SQL-on-SQL via dbt in the cloud data warehouse.
“My company is an unprofitable coupon app on a Series G,” added the bum. “We’ve had all this budget to waste the last few years and we simply haven’t taken advantage of it as a Data Team. We could have been a 20 person ELT team by now and I could have been a Director.”
As of press time, even though he does not have meaningful budget authority, Robinson was plugging into Snowflake dbt, Datafold, Hex, Lightdash, Census, Hightouch, Transform.io, Prefect, Astronomer, Dagster, Monte Carlo, Atlan, Meltano, and Great Expectations and cranking up his Snowflake warehouses to 4XL to handle all the additional complexity.